Which of the following is least sexy?

"; echo " Olive oil
"; echo " Motor oil
"; echo " Motels
"; echo " Hotels
"; echo " Holiday Inns
"; echo " Buttons (clothing)
"; echo " Buttons (keyboard)
"; echo " Lint
"; } if ($a == 2) { echo "

In a sci-fi novel, a character is described as 'whipping out his borschalyzer'. What is 'borschalyzer' most likely a reference to?

"; echo " His penis
"; echo " A beet and cabbage soup
"; echo " A device for testing beet and cabbage soup
"; echo " A handheld energy weapon
"; echo " A spaceship capable of traveling faster than light
"; } if ($a == 3) { echo "

Which of these would you prefer?

"; echo " Tiny board games
"; echo " Migraine headaches
"; echo " Homemade jams or preserves
"; echo " Little gizmos
"; echo " Mail-order fried food
"; echo " Being mistaken for Tommy Wiseau
"; } if ($a == 4) { echo "

Which of the following statements is most likely to be sarcastic?

"; echo " Great.
"; echo " That is, in fact, what she said.
"; echo " Let us now proceed to Chapter Six.
"; echo " Shake it, shake it...shake it, shake it.
"; echo " He's a titan of industry.
"; echo " That stings a bit.
"; } if ($a == 5) { echo "

Not counting days-of-the-week, can you name a cyclical pattern with seven items?

"; echo "
"; } if ($a == 6) { echo "

Please rank the following concepts on the scales provided:

"; echo "Sushi
"; echo "Sweet Savory

"; echo "Marriage proposal videos
"; echo "Sweet Creepy

"; } if ($a == 7) { echo "

Which of the following terms or phrases is most likely to be considered offensive in spoken English by the year 2075?

"; echo " Arugla
"; echo " Cabbage
"; echo " Gamer
"; echo " Human being
"; echo " It is what it is
"; echo " Latinx
"; echo " Puce
"; echo " Robotic
"; echo " Mental illness
"; echo " Vegan
"; } if ($a == 8) { echo "

Which of the following scenarios is least likely?

"; echo " A Buddhist nun with inbox zero
"; echo " A gamer refusing emergency medical treatment in order to complete a level
"; echo " A mermaid wearing Kanye shades
"; echo " President Trump retweeting Noam Chomsky
"; echo " A 500-page long random character sequence containing the phrase 'pi=3.13'
"; echo " Potato chips sold in shrink-wrap packaging
"; } if ($a == 9) { echo "

How early is your first memory?

"; echo " Before birth
"; echo " Birth itself
"; echo " 0-2 years
"; echo " 2-4 years
"; echo " 4-6 years
"; echo " 6+ years
"; } if ($a == 10) { echo "

Which most accurately reflects your view of the idea that different people see the same colors differently?

"; echo " Huh?
"; echo " I've never thought about that.
"; echo " I've thought about that.
"; echo " I think about that a lot / I have a strong opinion about it.
"; } if ($a == 11) { echo "

Which of the following rhymes probably does not occur in a major hip-hop track?

"; echo " featherweight / levitate
"; echo " cipher / piper / diapers
"; echo " hegemony / garbage money
"; echo " repent / judgment / serpent
"; echo " Metallica / Battlestar Galactica
"; echo " null and void / Pretty Boy Floyd
"; echo " Englebert Humperdinck / stop to think
"; echo " orangoutangs / stop a train
"; } if ($a == 12) { echo "

Which statement is most likely to get the response 'that's what she said'?

"; echo " There's a storm warning in the western half of the listening region.
"; echo " Truth isn't truth.
"; echo " Racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.
"; echo " A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.
"; echo " We know there are a lot of leaks everywhere. There's nothing we can do about that, except not leak ourselves.
"; echo " Goooal! Goooal! I want to cry, oh holy God, long live football! What a goal! Diegoal! Maradona! It is to cry for, excuse me! Maradona, in a memorable run, in the best play of all times! Little cosmic kite, which planet did you come from, to leave so many Englishmen behind, so that the country becomes a clenched fist crying for Argentina?
"; echo " Geometry does not teach us to draw these lines, but requires them to be drawn.
"; echo " Remember, you are alone in the kitchen and nobody can see you.
"; } if ($a == 13) { echo "

Please rank your education as an adolescent (secondary school in the US) on the following scales:

"; echo "Quality of resources / instruction
"; echo "Very Low Very High

"; echo "Freedom to pursue your own interests
"; echo "Very Low Very High

"; echo "Sense of safety (physical and emotional) in your learning environment
"; echo "Very Low Very High

"; echo "Overall satisfaction with this experience
"; echo "Very Low Very High

"; } if ($a == 14) { echo "

Name a country, state, or political administrative unit that would also be a good name for a grumpy cat.

"; echo "
"; } if ($a == 15) { echo "

Which pizza topping is most appetizing?

"; echo " Beets and cabbage
"; echo " Vegan cheese
"; echo " Basil and garlic
"; echo " Offal and pineapple
"; echo " Mushrooms and anchovies
"; } if ($a == 16) { echo "

How many fingers am I holding up?

"; echo "

"; } if ($a == 17) { echo "

What do you think happened here?

"; echo "

"; } if ($a == 18) { echo "

Which of the following best approximates the intention behind the question 'Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?'?

"; echo " Has anyone been this even-tempered in regard to how things look?
"; echo " Do you ever get the feeling that there's something going on that we don't know about?
"; echo " You know how to whistle, don't you Steve?
"; echo " Has anyone chosen to go to such lengths to appear [in this manner]?
"; echo " What is the air speed velocity of an unladen [European] swallow?
"; echo " Do people want to decide the things they observe, or do the observations create the desires and thus decisions?
"; echo " Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
"; } if ($a == 19) { $x = rand(0,1); if ($x == 0) { echo "

Which of the following items, if airdropped into a war zone / humanitarian disaster area, would be most likely to exacerbate problems rather than help?

"; echo ""; echo " Feminine hygiene products.
"; echo " Condoms.
"; echo " 3D printers.
"; echo " Legos.
"; echo " Large amounts of cash.
"; echo " Hardware store (full inventory).
"; echo " Farm and garden store (full inventory).
"; echo " Walmart (full inventory).
"; } else { echo "

Which of the following items, if airdropped into a war zone / humanitarian disaster area, would be most likely to help people without exacerbating conflict?

Which of the following reviews of Jaws: The Revenge (1987) is most negative?

"; echo " Synthetic pulp.
"; echo " Boring and unnecessary.
"; echo " Dumb beyond belief, hollow, bloody, and nonsensical.
"; echo " You want the shark to eat her.
"; echo " Laughably inept.
"; echo " They were really in a hurry to finish this movie.
"; } if ($a == 21) { echo "

Which of the these homophone / opposite pairs of pairs is most confusing?

"; echo " right / left - - - - - - right / wrong
"; echo " right / left - - - - - - [has] left / [is] left
"; echo " uh-huh / nuh-uh - - - - - - nyah-huh / uh-uh
"; echo " poison / poisson [French] - - - - - - gift / gift [German]
"; echo " on / by - - - - - - own / buy
"; } if ($a == 22) { echo "

How do you know Ethan Mitchell?

"; echo " Who the hell is Ethan Mitchell?
"; echo " NBTSC
"; echo " Walden
"; echo " co-defendant
"; echo " Habitat for Humanity
"; echo " ACLU
"; echo " generalized Vermont/Quaker social networks
"; echo " Zapatistas
"; echo " owes me money
"; echo " jilted ex
"; echo " other
"; } if ($a == 23) { echo "

What gender, if any, do you assign to the following numbers?

"; echo "
0 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
1 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
2 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
3 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
4 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
5 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
6 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
7 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
8 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
9 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; echo "
10 "; echo " < None "; echo " < Female "; echo " < Male "; echo " < Both "; echo " < Other "; } if ($a == 24) { echo "

How would you describe the other questions on this test?

"; echo " Tedious.
"; echo " Typical.
"; echo " Unlikely to filter out [uncool] bots.
"; echo " Light blue.
"; echo " Magenta.
"; echo " Puce.
"; echo " Savory.
"; echo " Sweet and sour.
"; echo " Other.
"; } if ($a == 25) { echo "Please pose a question for the next person whose answer is an integer between one and twenty."; } } echo "To subscribe to Hebdromedary, please complete this brief semi-Turing test. (Bots are welcome as long as you're cool.) If you are culturally, linguistically, or otherwise challenged by this test, or if your email address contains non-standard characters, shoot a coherent note to me at trelevenfarm@gmail.com.

"; echo "